


#gayandroidneighbors

by lookoutforburningbuildings



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Twitter, this is so stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 08:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16133903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookoutforburningbuildings/pseuds/lookoutforburningbuildings
Summary: dogs should never die in movies @janiedoeeatsrocksdid i ever tell the story of my gay android neighbors





	#gayandroidneighbors

**dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks

did i ever tell the story of my gay android neighbors

 

> **Sarah smiles** @sarah120054
> 
> ……...no?????

 

**dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks

alright, y’all ready to read some weird shit?

 

> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> so, i live in an apartment building with very thin walls. within two fucking months, i have collected the weirdest things my new neighbors have said, but let me tell a story before that.
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> so i was coming home from work one day, and i saw this dude trying to put a key into my door. i was reasonably confused. so i go up to him
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> “what are you doing.”
> 
> “trying to open my door. its not working”
> 
> “thats probably because its my door.”
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> he stops suddenly and turns to me for a moment, and I notice his LED. no big deal, i dont mind androids, whatever. so he looks back to the key and takes it out, looking to the room number.
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> “oh shit my bad” 
> 
> “nah its chill. im just glad you werent breaking into my house”
> 
> “i hope i wasnt, im in the police force”
> 
> “that would be an interesting arrest. name’s janie, btw”
> 
> “connor. sorry for almost breaking into your house”
> 
> “no problem”
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> and then he steps back, and i go into my house, letting him go on his way. now, ive mentioned that the walls are thin, rgiht? because holy fuck they mustve heard me laughing at that once i got inside
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> then i hear a conversation in the room next to mine. now, you gotta talk a little louder than moderately speaking if you want everyone next to you to hear in this building. these two mustve not realized that because what i heard
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Connor: hey i just accidentally tried to break into someones house
> 
> Person1: like you accidentally broke into hanks house?
> 
> Connor: IT WAS ONE TIME
> 
> Person2: YOU BROKE MY FUCKING WINDOW.
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> i was at a loss for words honestly. this dude in the police force broke into a dudes house once, and he almost did it again by accident. gotdamn
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> anyways i hear the door open and close again, and i assume one of the people left. i go about the rest of my day with no issue, just reading creepypastas until 3am like you do. then i think about these guys.
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> My couch is against the wall where my apartment connects to theirs. if all their interactions are like THAT, im gonna have a wild time here.
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> So, after a long time, i decide to write a google doc full of the things ive overheard. and now i will publish said things, because you all asked

 

**dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 

Yall ready for this? i have google doc pages of this shit and im tagging this post as #gayandroidneighbors

>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: 3
> 
> Person1: 2
> 
> Person1: 1
> 
> Person1: HERES AN EAR!
> 
> Person2: i thought you were about to show me a dick pic
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: connor, did you drink all the peanut butter again?
> 
> Connor: maybe
> 
> Person1: im filing for a divorce
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: hey be honest with me, did simon actually suck your dick or was that a joke?
> 
> Person2: i dont know
> 
> Person1: you dont know if your best friend sucked your dick?
> 
> Person2: im a deviant leave me alone
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: why is music from the 2000s so sad?
> 
> Person2: because everyone was edgy back then i guess
> 
> Person1: is that why my dad is so sad all the time?
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: hey marcus, we should invite simon over
> 
> Marcus: he’d probably eat all the cereal
> 
> Person1: why do you care? we dont need to eat anyways
> 
> Marcus: because i want those fucking frosted miniwheats, CONNOR
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: if i eat enough of these will i die?
> 
> Person2: babe, can we like legit talk about this? 
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: tell ur boyfriend if he says hes got beef that im a vegetarian and i aint fuckin scared of him
> 
> Person2: ur a vegetarian?
> 
> Person1: i guess you could call me a nonetarian, i dont eat jack shit
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: why do you keep listening to that?
> 
> Person2: BECAUSE 2000S MUSIC MIGHT BE SAD BUT IT FUCKIN SLAPS
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: hey connor, do you think if you never held me at gunpoint that we wouldve never met?
> 
> Connor: yeah but if you didnt convince me to put the gun down i wouldve never gotten married to you
> 
> Person1: at least i didnt propose in the place we met
> 
> Connor: dear god please no
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: hey babe i need a three letter word for disappointment
> 
> Person2: leo
> 
> Person3, whom i assume is leo: H E Y
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> And now, an interaction i had with connor after we both got home from work at the same time
> 
> Connor: yeah, ive been trying to get into more music lately so my husband doesnt kill me
> 
> Me: oh what do you usually listen to?
> 
> Connor: death metal, actually
> 
> Me: you dont seem like a death metal kinda guy
> 
> Connor: i take it from my dad 
> 
> ??????????
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: we should get a bunk bed
> 
> Person2: but then we cant sleep in the same bed
> 
> Person1: technically we still can. its still the same bed
> 
> Person2: babe, i love you, but we arent getting a bunk bed
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: hey i can make my voice sound just like yours wanna see
> 
> Person2: please dont
> 
> Person1, in person2s voice i guess: why not?
> 
> Person2: PLEASE DONT
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> I have no idea who did this but from the voice and all the shit ive heard, im guessing it was connor
> 
> “I CAN SEE EVERYTHING. I CAN SEE EVERY EQUATION. I CAN SEE….HOW GAY I AM”
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: can i invite north over
> 
> Person2: you mean my fuckin girlfriend
> 
> Person1: marcus, youre a homosexual. 
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Also i just wanna calrify, idk if its spelt marcus or markus but im guessing its marcus cuz markus is a political figure so
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1, whom i assume is the north chick: hey, connor, do you wanna like swap genitals
> 
> Connor: i dont know if thats possible, but given the chance, i probably would
> 
> North: hell yeah
> 
> Person2: can you both please not swap genitals
> 
> Connor: why
> 
> North: i dont think he wants you to have my dick cuz that technically means hed suck my dick
> 
> Person2: THATS THE EXACT REASON
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: hey is it possible for androids to get popup ads?
> 
> Person2: it shouldnt be
> 
> Person1: then i think somethings wrong
> 
> Person2: are you….getting pop up ads?
> 
> Person1: theyre for the sex club downtown. please kill me before its too late and i get some virus
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: can we get piercings?
> 
> Person2: yeah actually, theres a new addon
> 
> Person1: i should get snake bites
> 
> Person2: nobody would take you seriously. i wouldnt take you seriously
> 
> Person1: youve never taken me seriously.
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: can we do something for halloween?
> 
> Person2: lets go as scary androids that demand such ridiculous things like basic human rights and the ability to get jobs!
> 
> Person1: you are so salty, i love it
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: simon just told me he was a teratophile
> 
> Person2: im not surprised
> 
> Person1: im just glad you dont have any weird kinks like that
> 
> Person2: i have a gun kink
> 
> Person1: wait im sorry what
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> WHY IS EVERYONE COMPLAINING THAT IM NOT USING THEIR NAMES FOR THESE TWEETS I DONT FUCKIGN REMEMBER WHO SAID WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME I DIDNT WRITE THAT DOWN
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> For context on this one, i was locked out of my apartment and one of their friends came by
> 
> Me: yeah im just waiting for the workers to come help me out
> 
> Them, whispering: god i wish some kind of sex worker would come by and help me out
> 
> And then we both stared at each other, slowly realizing what he had just said.
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: are you a communist?
> 
> Person2: im an atheist
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: im not saying hes a fucking creep and deserved more time behind bars, but he was a fucking creep and deserved more time behind bars
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: god kamski is so weird
> 
> Person2: i know right?
> 
> Person1: like he was the one to build me and he gave me a dick just because, like there was no reason for me to have a dick
> 
> Person2: arent we all glad he did though?
> 
> Person1: why are you like this
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: we should get a dog!
> 
> Person2: cant. laws of the apartment complex
> 
> Person1: laws?? were not in a new country, marcus, its just a house
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: OW
> 
> Person1: hey, i cut my finger, wanna do blood brothers?
> 
> Person2: ew no im not drinking your blood
> 
> Person1: fair eno-- wait what. marcus how do you think blood brothers works?
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: wait wait hold on can i ask something to everyone here. what color is marcus’ shirt?
> 
> Person2: grey
> 
> Person3: grey?
> 
> Person4: grey
> 
> Person1: now, marcus, tell them what color you think it is.
> 
> Marcus, a little quietly: dark white.
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> *hello kitty by avril lavigne starts playing*
> 
> Person1: damn, wrong song
> 
> Person2: why is that on your playlist
> 
> Person1: dont come for me, you listen to here4u
> 
> Person2: SHUT UP
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks 
> 
> Person1: hey babe, im watchin creepy videos, wanna join?
> 
> Person2: why are you watching those before bed?
> 
> Person1: its not like we have dreams   
>  Person2: ...you don’t have dreams??
> 
> Person1: wait is that not normal
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: top 10 videos suck
> 
> Person2: top 10 times marcus was a little bitch
> 
> Marcus: oh now youve done it
> 
> Then there was a loud noise of (WHAT I ASSUME IS) someone being tackled onto a couch, followed by laughter (which was honestly a bit adorable to me)
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: can i invite chandler over?
> 
> Person2: oh do you still keep in contact with her?
> 
> Person1: sometimes when i yell into the void, i hear a voice shout back, and im fairly certain that its her
> 
> Person2: babe ur so cryptic
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: i wish we could grow out our hair
> 
> Person2: i could never imagine you genuinely having hair
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: im quitting my job and becoming a drag queen
> 
> Person2: yknow what thats fair
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: i think i broke my toe
> 
> Person2: how did you manage that?
> 
> Person1: I kicked the couch fifteen times until it hurt too much. i feel something shifted out of place
> 
> Person2: *long sigh* lets go to the repair store
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Okay, im gonna be honest here, ive literally never heard them have sex, which is cool and im grateful, but literally everyone has asked if ive heard them and the answer is nO
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: remember the 2017 singer who pretended to be a robot?
> 
> Person2: yeah, that mustve been really awkward when Chloe came out
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: hey babe….youd still love me if i stole a dog from the park right?
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: god rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay, remember christ our savior was born on christma--
> 
> Person2: youre completely forgetting robojesus!
> 
> Person1: i regret ever meeting you
> 
>  
> 
> **dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks
> 
> Person1: im just saying, christmas is almost her--
> 
> Person2: FOR THE LAST TIME, WERE NOT GETTING A DOG

 

**dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks

Well, i guess i should save some of these for stories to tell my friends. Thanks for the 50+ followers and the trending twitter tag lmao #gayandroidneighbors

 

**Markus Manfred** @markusofficial

The scariest part about @janiedoeeatsrocks thread? The fact that those are all things my husband, Connor, and I have done in our new apartment. #gayandroidneighbors

 

**dogs should never die in movies** @janiedoeeatsrocks

guess im friends with a revolutionist and his detective husband now #gayandroidneighbors

[An image of the woman who originally made the thread, taking a photo with the two androids behind her. They’re all wearing clout goggles, and Connor is doing a peace sign.]


End file.
